I Never Knew...

I never knew I would pick boogers out of my kid’s nose or eyes...pretty much daily.

I never knew I would be able to distinguish by sound whether my child had pooped or just passed gas.

 I never knew I would go days without showering.

I never knew the power of a mother’s touch. I had heard of this, but never truly understood it until having a sweet babe. It is amazing to me, knowing how much just my touch affects him. He can be crying and someone else is holding him and he will continue to cry. Yet I take him and he calms. It is incredibly empowering and something I treasure.

I never knew how freely I would use words like binky, bumbo, bubby, tubbie, and weenie (ha).

I never knew I would learn the art of distinguishing pacifier brands. I can now look at a pacifier and know whether it's a soothie, mam, nuk, avent, etc. The same goes for bottles.

I never knew how comfortable I would become talking about boobs and breastfeeding with other women.

I never knew I had it in me to be as dedicated to getting my baby breastmilk as I have. It was a constant struggle for us due to his tongue-tie and poor latch...we worked really hard at it but continued to have a hard time. I have been exclusively pumping for about 8 weeks and while it is a hassle and we still end up having to give a little formula here and there, I am proud that I am able to still give him breastmilk about 80-90% of the time. My goal is to at least make it 6 months.

 I never knew how much time I would spend rocking back and forth on my feet without a baby in my arms. I caught myself doing it in the shower today and I found myself pushing my cart back and forth while talking to someone in Target even though he was not in it.

 I never knew just how much your child becomes their name. I had a list of about 25 names I LOVED and I look at him now-- try out some of those names I was so dead set on, and I cannot imagine him being named anything but Kellen. 

I never knew that hearing my baby laugh for the first time would bring tears to my eyes.

I never knew how many silly, stupid, crazy things I would say or faces I would make just to try and elicit more laughs from my baby.

 I never knew the true art of multitasking before having a baby. 

I never knew how much having a baby would bring me closer to my family. I have treasured my time at home not only because I've been with him but also because it has meant several times a week I get to have lunch with my dad or spend an afternoon with my mom or mother-in-law.

I never knew how much love I would feel for my husband watching him with our son.

 I never knew that the first section I visit in a store would become the baby section. 

 I never knew books, songs, shows about babies would bring tears to my eyes the way they do now that I can apply them to my own life (especially because I’m not a crier!)

 I never knew how quickly our living room would become cluttered with things like a playmat, swing, bouncy seat, toys, blankets...

 I never knew how much I would love this clutter.

I never knew there is no better feeling than your baby snuggled in your arms fast asleep.

 

 I never knew how quickly a day can pass by while caring for an infant. While pregnant I remember thinking to myself how great maternity leave was going to be. I thought that along with caring for him, I'd learn new recipes and cook all the time, learn new crafts, get into an amazing exercise routine, etc. Pretty sure none of those things happened :)

 I never knew I had the desire to be a stay at home mom in me. I had always said that I couldn't imagine this...that I would want to keep working, need to keep working. Yet, there is nothing I would love more than this right now. Unfortunately we can't do this and I know once I get back into a work routine it will be okay. I love my job, my students and my coworkers. I just wish I could figure out a way to meld the two worlds!

 I never knew that no matter how exhausted you are, one smile or look from your baby makes it all worthwhile.

 I never knew hearing him cry would move me in the way it does. I want nothing more than to figure out how to make it stop as quickly as possible.

 I never knew the guilt you feel as a mother. For example, when I have errands to run and I'm carting him around - in and out of the car... I feel bad-- even though he is content and just fine.

I never knew how many ridiculous songs I would make up. Before having him I thought I would sing him songs like James Taylor and Van Morrison. Instead I sing made up songs about diapers, poop, spit, smiling, and how handsome he is.

 I never knew how much having people who I consider friends make no effort to know him or see him would hurt me.

 I never knew how lucky I am to have an amazing group of incredible, supportive, loving friends.

 I   never knew how hard it would be to have your two best friends be in different states and countries during this time because I want nothing more than for him to know them as I know them. But I am lucky that even though there is great distance, they are still always there for me and I know they are loving on him from afar. :)

I never knew, as cliche as it is, just how much a smile from my baby would melt my heart. My favorite moment is when he first wakes up…that initial smile at seeing my face—and then he starts kicking like he’s so excited and happy that I’m still there. It is the highlight of my day. 

I never knew how quickly a little thing called a Rock ‘N Play would change our lives. It is now my go-to baby shower gift!

I never knew how familiar I’d become with late night tv (did you know for example that the Today show hour with  Kathi Lee and Hoda reairs at 2am?)

I never knew how much stuff you needed to pack when taking a little baby someplace. I hope to have this mastered by the time we take our trip in June!

I never knew the places I would end up changing a diaper. I have changed a diaper in places like the floor, the bed, the couch, the changing table, the ottoman, in restaurant bathrooms, the backseat of our car, and the counter in the bathroom at the senior center (don’t ask :)).

I never knew how quickly as a parent you must make such important decisions on behalf of your child. For example, Kellen was tongue-tied. Our Dr. said that since he was gaining weight nursing he obviously had figured out how to maneuver through it (even though it made it very painful for me) and so it was up to us if we wanted to have it clipped or not. However, we had been told that tongue-ties can affect speech later in life and also have heard of children having to have it clipped at an older age because of this (when it was much more traumatic for the child because they remember it and are aware of it). We made the decision to have it clipped and he didn’t even cry. I know there will be thousands of decisions like this ahead of us and we just have to trust that we know what the best thing is for our own child. 

I never knew how long it would take to get ready to go anywhere with a baby. It seems like I need to build in at least an extra half hour to our prep time before we need to be somewhere.

I never knew I could smooch on a face as many times during the day as I do his.

I never knew how excited I would be to experience “normal” things (like going to the beach) because I would be experiencing them with him.

I never knew love existed like this. Everyone told me, “just wait, you’ll love your baby like you love nothing else…it is a whole new feeling.” I believed them but I just didn’t really understand it until I had him. I don’t think it’s anything you can ever put into words the way your love for your child moves you. He has truly become the center of my whole world and while he’s only been a part of our family for 11 weeks, it feels like he’s been here all along. I know I would be willing to do anything for him—drop anything, go anywhere, give anything – if he needed it. I cannot imagine life without him in it. He brings joy, hope, inspiration, motivation, and happiness to my world. I am fully dedicated to being the best person I can be in order to be the best mom for him that I can be.